Clients From Hell

Clients From Hell is a great way of spending some lame boring time in an entertaining way.

“A collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from designers.”

Teaser:

Payment Options

Me: “Ok, the bid is $2,500 what payment schedule works best for you? I can take a deposit of 10% up front and you can pay the balance on delivery OR I can discount the entire project by 10% if you pay the entire bid in advance.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll take the discount and pay it all in advance.”

Me: “Ok, well then I’ll get started just as soon as I receive the payment.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll pay you when it’s done. Don’t you trust me?”

Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to pay in advance so that you could get the discount.”

Client: “I do! I’ll pay in advance once the job is completed!”

Email from client: I’ve attached an image. Could you make it HD and send it back?

*attached jpeg with dimensions: 32px by 54px*

Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200.  Why should I go with you?”

Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”

Client: Yeah!  He did [Other Site] for me.

[I load the other site]

Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users.”

Client: “I know.  Cool, huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”

Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”

Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer].  He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”

Me: “Have fun.”

Client: “We really love the design! However, can you make our website less cutting-edge? Our clients aren’t really that good at using the Internet and won’t use all of the bells-and-whistles.”

Me: “What are you referring to specifically?”

Client: “We don’t need the login area. None of our customers will use that.”

Me: “OK, well it is an e-commerce store so I’m not quite sure how you’re going to get paid without being able to identify the client.”

Client: “Well, you’re the designer and you’ve done a great job so far so I’m sure you can figure something out. Look at Google! You don’t have to login to their site and they’re making tons of money!”

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