Clients From Hell is a great way of spending some lame boring time in an entertaining way.
"A collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from designers."
Me: “Ok, the bid is $2,500 what payment schedule works best for you? I can take a deposit of 10% up front and you can pay the balance on delivery OR I can discount the entire project by 10% if you pay the entire bid in advance.”
Client: “Oh, I’ll take the discount and pay it all in advance.”
Me: “Ok, well then I’ll get started just as soon as I receive the payment.”
Client: “Oh, I’ll pay you when it’s done. Don’t you trust me?”
Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to pay in advance so that you could get the discount.”
Client: “I do! I’ll pay in advance once the job is completed!”
Email from client: I’ve attached an image. Could you make it HD and send it back?
*attached jpeg with dimensions: 32px by 54px*
Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200. Why should I go with you?”
Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”
Client: Yeah! He did [Other Site] for me.
[I load the other site]
Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”
**Me: “**It’s a site for iPhone users.”
Client: “I know. Cool, huh?”
Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”
**Me: “**The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”
Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”
Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”
Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer]. He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”
Me: “Have fun.”
Client: “We really love the design! However, can you make our website less cutting-edge? Our clients aren’t really that good at using the Internet and won’t use all of the bells-and-whistles.”
Me: “What are you referring to specifically?”
Client: “We don’t need the login area. None of our customers will use that.”
Me: “OK, well it is an e-commerce store so I’m not quite sure how you’re going to get paid without being able to identify the client.”
Client: “Well, you’re the designer and you’ve done a great job so far so I’m sure you can figure something out. Look at Google! You don’t have to login to their site and they’re making tons of money!”