Java 4-Ever: The Movie

On June 26, 2011, In Luls, By Shinnok

Yes I know it’s a bit old, but I stumbled on it again and couldn’t resist because it seems to provoke some kind of nerdgasm amongst techies. Funny as hell and incredibly well done.

Also enjoy a HN thread pertaining to this video, to get an idea of how the crowd reacted when this video popped up.

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Kill Dash Nine

On June 20, 2011, In Luls, By Shinnok

“Kill Dash Nine” is a tech rap or Nerdcore/Geeksta piece, as it’s known lately, song performed by Monzy. Here’s a live performance shot outside Stanford University’s Computer Science building:

The song as a whole is not that great, but the lyrics are geeky enough. A couple of juicy verses:

I'll chown your home and take your access away
Comin' straight outta Stanford, ain't nobody tougher,
Control-X, Control-C, I'll discard your fuckin' buffer.
You're outside your scope, son, close them curly brackets,
'Cause I drop punk-ass bitches like a modem drops packets.
You're the tertiary storage; I'm the L1 cache.
With my finger on the trigger I run ./configure
Yo, this package is big, but MY package is bigger.
And I do a bounds check before I write to an array.

Mp3 and full Lyrics here.

“My flow is so intense, I’ll overload your buffer, corrupt your stack pointer, making all your data suffer.”

Do I seem bored? 🙂

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The only valid measurement of code quality: WTFs/minute

On January 28, 2011, In Luls, Programming, By Shinnok

 
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Sysadmins

On April 25, 2010, In Luls, By Shinnok

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Lawyers…

On March 21, 2010, In Luls, By Shinnok
  • Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
  • Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
  • Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
  • Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
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Clients From Hell

On February 19, 2010, In Luls, By Shinnok

Clients From Hell is a great way of spending some lame boring time in an entertaining way.

“A collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from designers.”

Teaser:

Payment Options

Me: “Ok, the bid is $2,500 what payment schedule works best for you? I can take a deposit of 10% up front and you can pay the balance on delivery OR I can discount the entire project by 10% if you pay the entire bid in advance.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll take the discount and pay it all in advance.”

Me: “Ok, well then I’ll get started just as soon as I receive the payment.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll pay you when it’s done. Don’t you trust me?”

Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to pay in advance so that you could get the discount.”

Client: “I do! I’ll pay in advance once the job is completed!”

Email from client: I’ve attached an image. Could you make it HD and send it back?

*attached jpeg with dimensions: 32px by 54px*

Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200.  Why should I go with you?”

Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”

Client: Yeah!  He did [Other Site] for me.

[I load the other site]

Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users.”

Client: “I know.  Cool, huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”

Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”

Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer].  He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”

Me: “Have fun.”

Client: “We really love the design! However, can you make our website less cutting-edge? Our clients aren’t really that good at using the Internet and won’t use all of the bells-and-whistles.”

Me: “What are you referring to specifically?”

Client: “We don’t need the login area. None of our customers will use that.”

Me: “OK, well it is an e-commerce store so I’m not quite sure how you’re going to get paid without being able to identify the client.”

Client: “Well, you’re the designer and you’ve done a great job so far so I’m sure you can figure something out. Look at Google! You don’t have to login to their site and they’re making tons of money!”

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The Best AV

On March 8, 2009, In Luls, By Shinnok
kitteh-av

Kitteh AV 3.0

The meanest antivirus on the market, Kitteh® AV 3.0 is the solution you have to choose if you want your data to be secure! It implements the newest patented ScaryNow!® technology which actually scares the malware and makes them commit suicide! Buy it now, it’s free, Kitteh AV® 3.0!

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