Java 4-Ever: The Movie

Yes I know it’s a bit old, but I stumbled on it again and couldn’t resist because it seems to provoke some kind of nerdgasm amongst techies. Funny as hell and incredibly well done.

Also enjoy a HN thread pertaining to this video, to get an idea of how the crowd reacted when this video popped up.

Tagged with:
 

Kill Dash Nine

Kill Dash Nine” is a tech rap or Nerdcore/Geeksta piece, as it’s known lately, song performed by Monzy. Here’s a live performance shot outside Stanford University’s Computer Science building:

The song as a whole is not that great, but the lyrics are geeky enough. A couple of juicy verses:

I'll chown your home and take your access away
Comin' straight outta Stanford, ain't nobody tougher,
Control-X, Control-C, I'll discard your fuckin' buffer.
You're outside your scope, son, close them curly brackets,
'Cause I drop punk-ass bitches like a modem drops packets.
You're the tertiary storage; I'm the L1 cache.
With my finger on the trigger I run ./configure
Yo, this package is big, but MY package is bigger.
And I do a bounds check before I write to an array.

Mp3 and full Lyrics here.

“My flow is so intense, I’ll overload your buffer, corrupt your stack pointer, making all your data suffer.”

Do I seem bored? 🙂

Tagged with:
 

Sysadmins

Tagged with:
 

Lawyers…

  • Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
  • Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
  • Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
  • Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
Tagged with:
 

Clients From Hell

Clients From Hell is a great way of spending some lame boring time in an entertaining way.

“A collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from designers.”

Teaser:

Payment Options

Me: “Ok, the bid is $2,500 what payment schedule works best for you? I can take a deposit of 10% up front and you can pay the balance on delivery OR I can discount the entire project by 10% if you pay the entire bid in advance.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll take the discount and pay it all in advance.”

Me: “Ok, well then I’ll get started just as soon as I receive the payment.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll pay you when it’s done. Don’t you trust me?”

Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to pay in advance so that you could get the discount.”

Client: “I do! I’ll pay in advance once the job is completed!”

Email from client: I’ve attached an image. Could you make it HD and send it back?

*attached jpeg with dimensions: 32px by 54px*

Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200.  Why should I go with you?”

Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”

Client: Yeah!  He did [Other Site] for me.

[I load the other site]

Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users.”

Client: “I know.  Cool, huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”

Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”

Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer].  He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”

Me: “Have fun.”

Client: “We really love the design! However, can you make our website less cutting-edge? Our clients aren’t really that good at using the Internet and won’t use all of the bells-and-whistles.”

Me: “What are you referring to specifically?”

Client: “We don’t need the login area. None of our customers will use that.”

Me: “OK, well it is an e-commerce store so I’m not quite sure how you’re going to get paid without being able to identify the client.”

Client: “Well, you’re the designer and you’ve done a great job so far so I’m sure you can figure something out. Look at Google! You don’t have to login to their site and they’re making tons of money!”

Tagged with:
 

The Best AV

kitteh-av

Kitteh AV 3.0

The meanest antivirus on the market, Kitteh® AV 3.0 is the solution you have to choose if you want your data to be secure! It implements the newest patented ScaryNow!® technology which actually scares the malware and makes them commit suicide! Buy it now, it’s free, Kitteh AV® 3.0!

Tagged with: